Teacher: Rodney Smith
Venue: Seattle Insight Meditation Center
- Distortions of Mind 1 2002-01-14
Sit down and write out lists one and two. Then take several situations that upset you this week and apply list three to your behavior:
List one: As a small child what I was trained to be was____________. (For example, I was trained to be good, obedient, helpful, etc.)
List two: Right now as an adult, I require myself to be ____________. (For example, I require myself to be thoughtful, kind, patient, humble, nonviolent, etc.)
List three: The negative emotions hidden behind the second list are____________. (For example I have a friend who is sick in the hospital. I am tired and worn out. But still I think I should go see her because that is what my first two lists demand. I do go see her but below the action is resentment.
This week challenge your history of anger and resentment by knowing what patterns are driving your actions. Be aware of the feelings of resentment (list 3). Realize these compelling thoughts are motivated by your history (list 1) and perpetuated by your self-demands (list 2).
Another example: Suppose someone undermines you at work. You might say, “I’m upset because I could lose my job.” But what you are really upset about is that your second list is being undermined, not your job. The problem is not what the person does to you, but that he/she is attacking your second list. Your second list says people should treat you fairly. Her actions are exposing your third list and you have to feel the anger associated with that list.